Hi, my name is Rooney. I am a dog. I was born in Tennessee and raised by two old people who talk funny. I never understood what they were saying. One day they put me in a car and drove somewhere far, far away. I think that's where I am now. I waited for hours and hours, watching all of my brothers and sisters leave me. I was left alone with the toothless dog. No one wanted me.

Then these people came in and picked me up. They started playing with me and told me we were going home. I got excited and started singing,

Rocky top, you'll always be home sweet home to me. Good ole rocky top, rocky top Tennessee, rocky top Tennessee...

I never did make it home to Tennessee that day, but I did pick up a cool new set of parents. They let me lick them a lot, dig through their dirty clothes, and even run around the house as fast as I possibly can. I think I might just stay here in New Jersey.